HIYA! It's me, Terry Driller The President of Lumberfacks Lumber Liquidators here to announces Lumber Fack Week, the week long holiday that lasts all year. All the liquid liquor daters have reason to celebrate for the lumber facts will be distributed evenly and according to proximity to their local computer, cell phone tower, and other.
For over 150 years we've been providing a valuable service to our consumers. Facts about the lumber industry. The lumber industry is the only industry backed by God. That's a fact, a fact about the lumber industry. That's a free fact. Normally we charge for those. We'll be explaining our corporate model, our history, and of course giving out free lumberfacks lumber facts in the next week.
Enjoy your pussy Halloween. We'll be eating pine cones and wiping our asses with Beatnik poetry, just like my Grandpa did in 1948 after he came back from Canada after dodging the draft. Not really proud of that, Grandma served proudly, she was pretty cool. Actually, that's how she met Johnny Kriller and left my grandpa for him. We don't talk about the Kriller family as much. Anyways, looking forward to Lumberfack Week.